As a therapist, my goal is to help families navigate the complexities of parenting and address the unique challenges they face. One approach that has truly stood out in my practice is Haim Omer’s Nonviolent Resistance (NVR). What makes NVR different from other parenting strategies is its departure from the traditional punishment-reward model, focusing instead on resisting, persisting, and taking a new authoritative approach while nurturing connections and relational gestures. In addition, it emphasizes the use of a support network and the need for parental self-care. Let’s take a closer look at what makes NVR such a game-changer.
Resisting, Not Reacting
Unlike traditional parenting strategies, NVR encourages parents to resist reacting impulsively to their child’s challenging behaviors. Instead of responding with punishment, parents learn to stay calm and composed, avoiding knee-jerk reactions. This resistance allows a moment for thoughtful consideration of how to best handle the situation. It’s about not being pulled into a power struggle with your child, but rather maintaining your composure and control over your own reactions.
Persisting with Love and Understanding
NVR acknowledges that parenting challenges can be persistent, and it encourages parents to respond in kind with their own persistence. This approach means never giving up on your child, even when their behaviour tests your patience. By persisting with love and understanding, you send a powerful message that you are there for your child and that you believe in their ability to change.
The New Authoritative Approach
In NVR, there’s a shift from traditional authority to a “new authority.” Instead of relying on coercion and control, or punishment and reward, parents exercise their authority through connection, empathy, understanding and a clear position on expectations around behaviour. The emphasis is on mutual respect and collaboration. This shift in mindset can lead to more cooperative and harmonious family dynamics.
“You don’t have to show authority with power, it’s far more influential with peace.” – Lori Petro
Connection and Relational Gestures
NVR recognizes the importance of maintaining a strong emotional connection with your child. It’s not just about what you say but also about what you do. Relational gestures are acts of love, support, and understanding that reinforce your commitment to your child. These gestures play a significant role in building and repairing the parent-child relationship. They help children feel secure and valued, even when they make mistakes.
Choosing Your Battles
NVR advocates for the strategic selection of battles, emphasizing that not every conflict deserves the same level of attention. Instead of reacting to every minor issue, parents are encouraged to identify the most critical areas of concern and focus their energy there. This approach allows parents to conserve their resources and tackle the most vital issues effectively.
Striking When the Iron is Cold
Timing is everything in NVR. Instead of reacting in the heat of the moment, parents are encouraged to address issues when emotions have cooled down. This approach creates a more conducive environment for productive communication and problem-solving.
The Importance of a Support Network
NVR recognizes that parents cannot navigate these challenges alone. Having a support network, which can include family, friends, or professionals, is crucial. They can provide guidance, emotional support, and a safe space to share your experiences. A support network can be a source of strength when you feel overwhelmed or discouraged.
Parental Self-Care
NVR emphasizes the need for parental self-care. Parenting can be emotionally draining, and taking care of yourself is not selfish but necessary. Prioritizing self-care ensures that you have the emotional and physical energy to effectively implement the NVR approach and provide the support your child needs.
Haim Omer’s Nonviolent Resistance approach represents a refreshing departure from traditional parenting strategies. By emphasizing resistance, persistence, and the new authoritative approach, interspersed with connection and relational gestures, as well as relying on a support network and prioritizing parental self-care, parents can build healthier, more meaningful relationships with their children. Choosing your battles wisely and addressing issues when the emotional temperature is low overtime can lead to positive change in family dynamics and a more harmonious household.
If you find yourself seeking an alternative to traditional parenting approaches, NVR may be just the solution you’ve been looking for. Remember, it’s not about changing your child; it’s about changing your approach to parenting, fostering growth and understanding, and building a more harmonious family life.